From Conflict to Clarity: How to Navigate Difficult Conversations Through VOICE
By Kendall Morrison
In the intricate and often high-stakes world of government, the ability to navigate challenging interactions is not merely a desirable trait but an essential leadership competency. As humans, we are naturally inclined to shy away from difficult conversations, driven by a perceived lack of skills, an inherent fear of conflict, or simply a deep-seated discomfort with vulnerability. Yet, for change leaders in public service, difficult conversations are not just inevitable; they are the crucible in which progress is forged. How we approach these conversations, the posture we adopt, and the frameworks we employ fundamentally set the tone for their outcome. To navigate these challenging conversations with purpose, clarity, and confidence, we need a practical framework—such as the VOICE framework—supported by actionable strategies.
A difficult conversation unfolds as a journey, moving through three phases, each demanding specific mindsets and strategic approaches.
Phase One:
Regulate Before
This first phase emphasizes proactive preparation. Before you utter a single word, lay the foundation for a productive conversation through internal regulation and strategic foresight. Acknowledge that this conversation will not be easy; embracing this reality instead of resisting it will help diminish any discomfort. This phase involves anticipating emotional triggers, understanding your own likely reactions, and mentally rehearsing how you will maintain your composure.
This preparatory stage is also where you will V: Visualize your goal, the first step of the VOICE framework. Clarify what you want from the conversation: What single, most important objective do you aim to achieve? Do you seek to resolve a conflict, gain understanding, make a decision, or align on a path forward? If you cannot name it in one clear, concise sentence, pause and reflect further. A well-defined goal acts as your North Star, perhaps aiming to align on a specific project budget or to establish a clear inter-departmental process. Without this foundational clarity, conversations risk becoming aimless, emotionally charged, and unproductive. This deliberate mental and emotional preparation, anchored by a clear vision, profoundly helps you lead a more controlled, purposeful discussion, even when facing unexpected turns or direct resistance.
Phase Two:
Stay Grounded During
Shift your focus to this phase after the conversation begins. In this phase, real-time communication principles become paramount. Tensions may escalate, and emotions might run high, but maintain your composure to keep the conversation on track. Your primary responsibility remains managing your own reactions, not attempting to control the other person's emotions or responses.
This phase demands active engagement with several core VOICE framework elements. Firstly, be O: Open to perspective. Practice radical listening; genuinely seek to understand rather than merely preparing a rebuttal. Consider what the other person thinks or feels; step into their shoes to understand their pressures, priorities, and concerns within the organizational context. Assume positive intent; this significantly reduces your own defensiveness and cultivates an environment more conducive to dialogue. Make space for their view. You do not have to agree with their premise or conclusion, but listening to it with an open mind signifies respect and a willingness to understand. In turn, this validation significantly lowers emotional barriers, opening pathways for genuine exchange.
Concurrent to “O,” remember to I: Interpret feelings and facts. Clearly distinguish between what happened versus how you feel about it (i.e., your emotional response). For instance, 'The report was submitted two days late' is a fact; 'I feel frustrated because the late report delayed our project' is an emotion. Actively avoid assumptions and do not make up stories. Stay in the observable reality, naming the story you have constructed around the facts. As Brené Brown suggests, use phrases like, 'The story I'm telling myself is…'; for example, 'When I didn't receive your input on the draft I felt concerned about our timeline. Can you help me understand what's happening?' This separates your interpretation from objective reality and invites dialogue. Name both the facts and your emotions to reduce reactivity, communicating authentically and clearly.
As you speak, C: Communicate thoughtfully. Use 'I' statements to express your experience without blame ('I feel stressed when deadlines are missed because it impacts our team's ability to deliver,' rather than 'You always miss deadlines'). Speak directly (but calmly) in a neutral setting, choosing an appropriate time and place free from interruptions. Focus on stating what you need for future success–not what didn't work in the past. This pivots the conversation from critique to constructive problem-solving, essential for driving organizational progress. If the conversation begins to spiral into unproductive arguments or personal attacks, do not hesitate to hit the pause button and say, 'I feel like we should both take a breather and revisit this topic in the near future.' This demonstrates maturity and a commitment to eventual resolution over immediate—potentially damaging—engagement.
Phase Three:
Reflect After
This final phase is crucial for continuous learning and personal growth. The conversation does not conclude when words cease. Take time to reflect independently on the conversation afterward, honestly asking yourself: 'What went well?' and 'What could I have done better?' This self-assessment should focus on what you have control over (i.e., 'Control the Controllables’).
This phase’s reflective practice also allows you to critically E: Evaluate if it’s needed, the final step in the VOICE framework. Based on your reflection, consider whether further conversation or action is necessary. In retrospect, did this initial conversation truly serve its purpose at that specific time, or could a different approach have proven more effective? Evaluate the timing, the actual impact of the conversation, and your own readiness at the outset. Sometimes, reflection or silence proves the bravest move. This disciplined reflective practice, informed by the elements of VOICE, transforms challenging experiences into profound opportunities for personal and professional development, solidifying your capabilities as an effective leader within your professional landscape, and ensuring each difficult conversation becomes a steppingstone for future improvement.
Navigating difficult conversations is more than just a 'soft skill'—it forms a fundamental pillar of effective leadership and organizational success. By embracing all the paths the journey offers—Regulate Before, Stay Grounded During, and Reflect After—and applying the VOICE principles across each phase, you can transform these challenging moments into opportunities for growth, deeper understanding, and impactful action. These refined skills will empower you to address critical issues head-on, foster stronger relationships, build trust with stakeholders, and ultimately drive more effective outcomes.